Friday, January 29, 2010
Pajama-Grams & Recovery
I am surrounded by a variety of angels. Brilliant living angels in our midst. The kind of angels that know about "Pajama-Grams" and thoughtfully follow thru. Imagine my delight upon receiving such an amazing gift.
Today I am celebrating my pajama-gram, by wearing my jammies and keeping my feet up and watching the parade of thoughts that trail in and out of my head. Today is the day to acknowledge the two steps forward, one backward reality of this process. Today, is a 'backward' day. It's a stay on the recliner day.
With all of that sun & warmth yesterday I was enthusiastic to replace my socks. Socks I forgot to pack. The closest sock replacement opportunity is our SUPER Walmart about a 15 minute drive away. They call it S-U-P-E-R for a reason. I bought my socks and some odds and ends, several football fields away in the pharmacy end, got back to the starting gates and bought a chicken in a box and some fresh produce. I knew my limitations when I considered how far the dairy aisle was from the door.
I tell you all of this, so you don't think I spent the day digging ditches.... just going to get some socks. Today my body tells me that it's had enough. So a jammie day for me. My mind and heart are a bit sick today, too.... Last night my phone googled me to remind me to go to the airport today for my Houston adventure for ZB. Alas, no Houston for me.
Then this morning I needed to communicate with an OSU Doctorate Dr. about the painful decision to withdrawl from her year long federal study, that I had already signed a contract to lead -- 12 days worth of Arts Training for preschool teachers. Dr. Shayne will get things underway in April without me. She has been divising her Plan B to have ready, in case I was able to acknowledge my humanity, but we had agreed that today would be the day for my final decision. Riding my recliner today, I realized this needs to be about 'me' for the coming season.
BTW: I don't say this easily, nor well. My body may likely heal faster than my heart. So today I'll just share the reality that is my experience with breast cancer, the second time around. Which is to say that I am both simultaneously the most fortunate of fortunate people and pretty broken, too. Negotiating the emotional landmines is every bit the challenge as the physical recovery. This is me, two weeks after surgery. Acknowledging that I can not 'control' my calendar. I'm sure there's a few lessons there -- but it will be time that gives me the perspective to learn them.