Friday, November 25, 2011

Not Thankful Rant

I spend most of every given day thinking about what I’m grateful for.
Call me Pollyana. I suppose more accurately that would be Debbiana. It’s true. I burst into refrains of “Tomorrow, tomorrow….. the sun’ll come out, tomorrow” in the midst of my own challenges as I'm actually choking on my own tears. My life has certainly been punctuated with ‘train wrecks’ of a very genuine nature. My way to deal with all of the tough stuff has been to focus on the positive. Simple earth language: “Put on your big girl panties and deal.”

So when I saw the linky-party this morning for “What I’m NOT Thankful For” I really stopped. I’ve been thinking all morning. Truth be told I have a long-list. This post is pretty a-typical for me. Yup. I'm coming out of the closet with some tuff-stuff here. Feel free to come back tomorrow for the usual rah-rah. Turn back now, if you're looking for light hearted. RANT is in the title. Word-of-warning. Proceed no further if you're looking for fluff. RANT.

My entire life I’ve been totally stumped by suffering. As a person of faith I have had some real ‘heart-to-heart’ conversations with the heavens when it comes to suffering/tragedy….. and at the very top of the list? I honestly am NOT thankful for childhood suffering. I don’t get it. I don’t see the silver lining.

My little red-headed princess grand-pippy and her brothers live right next door to a triumphant family. Her teeny-tiny buddy has childhood cancer. Let’s face it. There is no simple Pollyana-like happy, happy, joy, joy, joy to sprinkle on the top of chemo and toddler in the same sentence. I don’t get it. At all. Not in any way. NOT thankful. Overwhelmed. Deplore.

The fact that the little-hero in this story has a family to rally round his medical journey is a blessing to behold. The truth that their every morsel of energy must be dedicated to his survival breaks my heart. The truth that his days are marked with pain and set-backs to his development is unacceptable. NOT thankful.

Its stories like this that have me wishing I had chosen more wisely and selected a planet to visit where justice and fairness were woven into every cell. EVERY time. Every SINGLE story, EVERY SINGLE CELL: beginning-to-end. Not so Planet Earth. Unfathomable happens here. Just ask my princess loving, little Red. Maybe she'll grow up with a hyper-wiring for empathy and that will be some sort of good to come from this horror?

I’m pretty certain that this response of mine was not the intention of the Linkie party designer. After all her blog is named, "Blue Skies." Welcome to my world. I tend to over-think. In an effort to conclude on a lighter note, here’s some further insight into me and some of my wishes for when I get to be queen of the Universe.

1. When I’m queen? When I'm queen all the things that I enjoy, appreciate and spend my time on will also burn extra enormous super-high quality amounts of calories. When I’m queen: spending hours on Pinterest, making photo collages, writing blog articles and-or time spent blog hopping or visiting with cyber imaginary friends will each sculpt amazing abs in direct proportion to the number of keystrokes exerted. Give me a whoop, whoop!!

2. When I’m queen I will have a genetic over-ride capability to reset my brain instantly to correlate directly to keeping pace with technological developments. I will immediately grasp the latest and greatest and newest and fastest. I will have a technological intuitiveness and eagerly look forward to tech improvements instead of my current cowering & instant overwhelm response.

3. Speaking of technology. I grew up on the Jetsons cartoon and Star Trek. Shouldn’t I be able to click my heels and be able to visit with my geographically dispersed loved ones by now? What’s up with that? I’d really like to twinkle my nose and spend the morning with my Pippies across the country. Twinkle again and return to the palm trees for the afternoon.

4. I’ll admit. I’m not thankful for the opportunity to wait in lines. Visits to the BMV rankle my sunny demeanor. Getting my new-resident Florida drivers license on Wednesday? The ultimate. Don’t get me started. Taking a number to wait in line. For real. Not thankful. Not. Going back home for additional ‘proof’ that I exist? Really?? A passport & an OH drivers license and a tax form & utility bill not sufficient evidence??  A second trip to the BMV in one day – to take a second number & wait all over again. Arggggggh. When I'm queen, if there's a line which requires a number be pulled, the person "helping" will be kind, patient and make eye contact and see it as their role to actually be helpful.
Source: via Debbie on Pinterest

5. My concluding not-thankful? I’m not the least bit thankful that education and the Arts are the first things that are cut in economically tough times. This is when we need creative and educated answers people. We need new and different. We need to be thinking outside the box for these tough times. Everything I read + everything I know, tells of the importance of a child’s first years – for their development, for their life-long well-being. Yet what gets cut? Who had the fewest resources allocated to begin with? Let’s have salaries and budgets match the significance of the contribution. As much as I enjoy an NFL/NBA game as a happy distraction for my sitting and Pin-ing, when I’m queen the super-star mega money will automatically be given to those who impact lives of children….. and researchers who toil over advances in medicine to eliminate the words cancer and toddler in the same sentence. All professional ball players will be the ones holding bake sales for new uniforms.

It's probably a good thing that we were held to five NOT thankful concepts in our list. Cuz I could go on and on about Gertie-the-GPS who periodically has a personality disorder and announces proudly, "Your destination is on the right" when actually what I'm beholding is an empty parking lot or just as bad, a vacant cornfield."

Some day I may really let down my defenses and tell you about my life this side of Breast Cancer II and the constant side effects of Lymphedema, but that might scare you away permanently. There really is plenty to NOT be thankful over. Attempting to find balance in a world that is far from perfect, where bad things do indeed befall good people is what makes living as an Earthling a human experience. Do your very best while you wait in line. The lady behind the counter may have some reason that she's acting so very human. Ya never know the other side of the story.

Now go have fun with everyone else's teacher insight at First Grade Blue Skies Linkie. I read the other posts in the blog hop and they are all fun, up-beat, light hearted and super giggles. You'll enjoy their educational pratfalls and the variety of insights. Today's the day when the ledgers go to profitable. Spend your time and resources wisely!

First Grade Blue Skies

Thanks for your support! I am so appreciative of your pins!

Thanks for your support! I am so appreciative of your pins!
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