INDIE Award Reflections

Today is the first day of my life that I woke as the winner of a national book award. To say the air smelled crisper and the breeze blew sweeter may have been due to a shift in the barometer, but as I took myself out for my morning walk -- I swear the familiar sights of home had ratchet up to a new level on the joy-o-meter scale and seemingly over night.


Walking to the top of the big hill felt invigorating, rather than exhausting. Observing the nonexistent horizon line between water's edge and sky's fall was utterly fascinating this morning. Though I've remarked on this phenomena previously -- today was sheer marvel, utter poetry to the eye. Affirmation is an elixir apparently. Fixin' all that ails ya. Sumptin' like snake oil. Workin' out all the wrinkles with a shiny gold sticker. Validation is worth its weight in gold!


I walked and pondered, laughing to myself in a manner that could cast me as the village 'character.' You know. The one discussed by the long-term locals at the gas pump with a raised eye brow. Didn't matter. Had someone installed springs in my ol' faithful tennies? Coming to the local swimming hole I spied the slim swath of sand. Bing! My shimmery award is similar to a sand structure: fleeting at best, but fun in the moment. This morning I skipped about basking in the ephemeral after glow. I thought next of how it was possible that my project was selected.


There at the sand we had once shared, it seemed most likely that my dear now-a-genuine-angel-in-heaven friend, Saint, probably shepherded my book to the right judge at just the right moment. You do the math. This is my third book. I have entered every one of my books in every possible 'program' I could find for recognition. This is the first time to garner the win. This is the first season of my book being eligible & Pat being heavenward. (Read old post of Saint's joining the angels here.) Add it up. I just gotta think she had something to do with it. And I hummed the camp song, "If you get to heaven, before I do, just drill a hole and pull me through." Remembering when we'd entertain ourselves during her final phone calls with camp sing-a-longs, I thought about gratitude and loss. About promises made to one another. I thought about her impact on me. I thought about intentionality. I thought about celebration in the midst of it all. Thanks Pat. I give you all the credit in the world. When I was at an absolute loss as to how to proceed -- I would remember my promises, and I would tip-toe forward. I would tip-toe in gratitude for the opportunity to be willing to work.

Once I'd found that trusty sand-writin' stick I had plenty of thankin' to do. I thought of all my sisters-of-swell. The chosen few in our Breast Cancer community for whom lymph nodes have abandoned their functionality. I thought back to last summer and my absolute hissy fitS over being unable to use, to lift, to glide my heavy steam iron, the one I'd purchased specifically to press the fabric of my quilts -- steam & brute force were supposed to demand the pieces cooperate. No more. My arm wasn't up to the task. It was one of my swell sisters that suggested softly that I may need to adapt and use a lighter iron. I wailed for a while. I had a melt down or two. I kicked my feet and had a temper tantrum. I stalled. I wailed some more. All the while they listened. They cajoled and consoled and passed the cyber-brownies and eventually said, 'Enough! get on with it.' And I used a different iron. And I made progress. And I finished the book. And I thank you for those swell brownies!

The danger of receiving an award is immediately you realize how many debts you owe. Compiling the thank you list is never enough. It's never inclusive enough. It's never broad enough. It's never specific enough. So I'll thank everyone at BCO (Breast Cancer dot Org), members current and members who have had their membership expire far too soon. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. You are my mentors. You are my torch bearers. You are my cheer-leaders and co-conspirators.

My picture book, like most of it's traditional ilk, has 32 pages. That's 16 quilts to make. I had gotten off to a flying start after the release of my first book and had 4 quilts done in a heart beat. I loved bar graphs in elementary school: that's twenty-five percent done! Yippee, I'm off to the races.

That's when I received my first diagnosis of (early) Breast Cancer and the wheels came off my tricycle for a while. Eventually I got moving forward again and as time unfolded I got another EIGHT quilts finished!!!! Whoooohooooo. Three fourths of the way done!!!!! The finish line in sight. Well past the half-way hurdle. THUD. Diagnosis #2. THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD. In the end it took over five years to get all 16 quilts accomplished. FIVE years for goodness sake. I'm sure there's a moral to that story somewhere. Baby steps over time yada yada yada. Progress adds up, if ya keep movin.' Yesterday came the affirmation, the validation and the resounding victory -- that all of those efforts and stalls and screeching halts didn't matter. In the end it had added up to a finished project. And now? Now it has a shiny gold sticker.

It could have been Konakat joining Saint and Heidi-Ho in heaven that noodled & elbowed my book to the top of the pile. (To begin that list is just too much to ponder. I will let those 3 names represent the 40,000 women who will perish this year.) They were all such lovers of books. I know we've lost so much talent, so much laughter, so much joy. Thinking of them making their heavenly ruckus and sprinkling glimmers of shiny things into the lives of ones who would notice their antics, makes me sigh and smile.

Thanks to absolutely everyone at BCO for the listening ears, the swift kicks in the pants, the camaraderie, the encouragement and the support, the caring, kindness and understanding, the ever present safety net and sistah-hood. I accept these shiny gold stickers on your behalf and in your honor. It takes a village indeed. Today's gratitude goes to my cyber-family and to all who have had their lives come derailed with adversity. Here's to perseverance!!! Here's to baby steps & a lighter iron!! And pass the brownies of course!!!!

Click here for the definitive site for Lymphedema information.

Click here to see lots of old posts I remembered to tag: BCO Buddies.

Click here to enter to win a signed book: Contest.